Chapter 12

The Patriarchal Society

Africa is one of the continents that place high priority on gender, a patriarchal society. In the past it was very common to place the success of marriages on one that has an heir apparent. The pressure of giving birth to a boy has driven many marriages to collapse, expectant mother who should be joyous of the opportunity of bringing forth another life are more skeptical and fearful as the gender of the unborn baby is unknown especially if such mother hasn’t given her husband a male child.

 Many marriages failed due to the fact that some wives couldn’t bore a male child that would take after the family’s name and legacy. According to what I gathered from my parents it was so bad at that time that some in-laws (from the husband) would often intervene by encouraging the husbands to marry another woman or frustrates the wife out of her matrimonial home. The blame of not having a male child is solely her fault.  Such ignorant and callous treatments have been melted out to many African women for years.

I must confess that this is one aspect of my culture that I hated. Although the traits of this gender superiority still exist in our society it wasn’t as terrible as it was. (Thank God for the sociological changes and civilization). African women despite the huge improvements in their social lives still predominantly lives their life for their families.

Besides my cousins that lived with us, my mum didn’t bore a male child for my dad (I have three sisters) and I wondered how she survived not losing her matrimonial home to another woman.

My mum told me that my dad was actually pressured by his mother to get rid of her or marry another wife when she found out that I was a baby girl after my birth (I was number 3). Luckily for her my father refused to succumb to any of those stupidities, his stubbornness saved us from being separated, thank goodness.

Growing up in Lagos-Nigeria, I still remember how fathers are overjoyed when their wives gave birth to a boy. I have seen many mothers cried bitterly after giving birth to another baby girl.

Naming ceremony is a big celebration in my culture but it usually comes with a twist.  For a male child the celebrations are always excessive with pump and pageantry especially if the baby is the first son or if the woman has repeatedly given birth to more than one boy. Such woman would be considered fruitful and a source of envy by ‘unfortunate women’.

For years my mother and my paternal grandmother didn’t get along because she believed that dad listened to my mother (my mother was categorize as ‘unfortunate woman’ since she didn’t have a boy) instead of her.

Another common practice in the past was how some families would rather send a male child to school, or learns a trade whilst female child are nurtured to be obedient and submissive housekeepers, good wife and a mother (Subordinates). The perception was that it would be a waste of money, time, and resources if a female child was sent to school after all the culture believes that “woman education ends in the kitchen”. The fact that female child would eventually marry and change her last name to her husband’s meant that she’s economically insignificant to her biological family. For that reason many parents would rather invest on a male child’s education as they are considered the breadwinners and head of households.

There were few fathers like my dad who refused to succumb to all these cultural nonsense, a situation that has deprived many young girls the opportunities of being educated.